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Sunday, May 22, 2011

Firstly congrats to saryna and Gavin (if anyone even reads this blog that is).

I dream to much yet I don't dream enough
I emancipate childish love yet I emancipate dark sinister realities
I have hope but not enough rope to drag me anywhere
I hope what you said is true but I think it's too good too be *i sincerely hope it is*
I feel like I'm overkilling this but I don't know what I'm killing

I feel like I've hit the ceiling but yet I don't feel the wall
If I'm going too far then one must put the car into reverse and ponder upon this illusion
Live life to the fullest yet cowards die many times before their death
I'm Nihalist who's a cynacist yet the heart hugs like an optimist
I never knew why I needed this soo badly yet I feel like I do

Am I blackmailing my heart?
or am I appeasing the lonliness in my heart?
I don't want to let go but yet I want to hug someone special?

I pay the price of life
For if one is not willing to risk how is one expected to get return?
For as long I stay like this..my heart will always need someone to love.

I feel like its a drug and its got no cure. The mind stays firm and says 'ur taking a heavy risk' yet my heart goes ' I need someone to hug and that I can make happy because she doesn't realise how special she is'.
This is probably the first time in my life when I can't look back and I cannot fall down, my only option is to swim, I may mess up my breathing but when I get to the end hopefully there will be someone I can hug and say 'at least im here neh?'+

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It's not all doom and gloom @ |{5:46 AM|
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Sunday, May 15, 2011

2NE1- Lonely... its a really good song.. I'm sorry that I can't write exactly write about how I feel but this song does it so damn well


The words I'm saying right now, I don't know if they'll hurt you
They'll probably make you hate me forever
You, saying that I'm not the same as I used to be, is not completely untrue
This changed me is a stranger to myself as well
You are so kind but
That's the way you are but oh
I don't know I don't know
Why I am like this
We were so in love, and you're here now but oh
I don't know
I want to find myself now

Baby I'm sorry, even when I'm with you, I'm Lonely
I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am
I'm sorry, this is your and my story
I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I'm by your side
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

You didn't do anything wrong, I'm the strange one
It seems I've already been prepared long ago, for our breakup
I really wanted to treat you well, out of all the times, why is it when I'm confronted by love
I am shrinking away & am lonely endlessly
You are so kind but
That's the way you are but oh
I don't know I don't know
Why I am like this
We were so in love, and you're here now but oh
I don't know
I want to find myself now

Baby I'm sorry, even when I'm with you, I'm Lonely
I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am
I'm sorry, this is your and my story
I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I'm by your side
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

Cuz I'm just another girl
This night is lonely, I
Can't take any more, Good bye
Cuz I'm just another girl
I'm so lonely
Even though I'm by your side right now
Baby I'm so lonely
Lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely

It's not all doom and gloom @ |{11:19 PM|
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Me feel so damn lonely. I feel like being a kid but theres none to be a kid with.. It's scareing me and its killing me emotiionally...my heart feels like its sinking deeper and deeper...I know it should but it feels so real...I genuinely need a hug and a break from life it is times like these when I ponder whether I should get some rope and a chair or whether I should just cry everything out.

Next time for Boombox I'll get other pple to go (person who's name ends in y and etc)...I felt like shit sitting alone and what even made me feel worse was the fact that I tried to make friends with someone by getting a friend to do me a favour. I'm sorry that I'm the problem and not the solution. My fantasy of love and happiness are now nothing but a farce based on a glorified fable that ones life will eventually be happy.

nana....and remember your awesome neh? so don't cry about ur troubles unless you want to be as noob as me neh?

It's not all doom and gloom @ |{5:16 AM|
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Thursday, May 12, 2011

To many of you this may be very wtf and to some its going to be obvious. I have a thing where my mind is logical, cynical, pessimistic and quite firm whereas my heart is the complete opposite it's soft, it's willing to help and it feels like I'm still a kid. My world doesn't feel like what it once was. I'm begining to feel a slow realisation in my life that I am more in sync with my heart and less with my mind, although I don't have proof I do have a strong conviction that I must live life like the child I feel like and not the 'cold heartedness in which my mind possesses'.

Oh and another thing. I have a fear of dying....... I don't think that i can keep hiding my heart because embracing the mind has done me near damage. Only one of the people who reading this blog has heard me act like a kid.... "yes dats rite... cus ur awesome neh?"

I've been dreaming lately (havent had one since yr3), it's a shock for me because these dreams are umm how u say it.... 'c'était salement romantique'

It's not all doom and gloom @ |{4:22 AM|
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